Monday, March 25, 2013

Comparing Baseball to other sports...

                                With opening day a week away, I decided to do a comparison to other sports; Tom Boswell, writer for the Washington Post wrote " 100 reasons why baseball is better than football", about 25 years ago, so I'll try not to rip him off...Some say baseball is boring to watch. These are the same people who will tell me with a straight face that "The Jersey shore" is entertaining.  Sure, you have to think a bit, and it doesn't move all the time, but I believe baseball is the greatest sport opposed to:

Basketball-My second favorite sport, is great when it's close...until you get to the last minute and a half, then it's free throw city.  The older generation, ( which I guess includes me now...ouch! ) will bemoan the lack of team play and it's insistence on having one superdstar per team. I myself miss the fast breaks of the'80s.  Of course, back then, there were really only three or four teams who ever went to the finals: Celtics, Laker, Sixers, Rockets...and oh, then the I guess there's more parity now.

Hockey- I'm going to ignore the strike and not talk about it. ( labor talks are like chewing glass to me ) Mostly, I'm bothered by the wussification of the sport.  Used to be toothless men without helmets beat the crap out of each other for three periods, then a hockey game would break out.  Now, there's too many European- like rules to my liking.  It's also a much better sport to watch live than on T.V.; the puck is always hard to pick up...more so these days.. (I'm old, I get it)

Football- This sport is just the opposite; it's MUCH better on T.V. than it is live.  Live, it's just one stretcher after another.  Also, the worst fans in the world hang out at these games.  I have feared for my life on more than one occasion.  Sure, the pre game festivities in the parking lot are great, and a tie game with a field goal to end it is exciting, but it's much better watched at home.  Also, the "Monday night football theme" by that racist Hank Williams Jr. is atrocious.  Again, Tom Boswell wrote all you need to know on this.

Golf- Not a sport, really.  Fun to play if you're with friends drinking, but on T.V., it's more boring than watching someone read LBJ transcripts on CSpan 3.  Tiger Woods screwing around was more interesting than anything the sport has had to offer in the past 100 years...

Nascar- Not really a sport; more like one long advertising race.  To quote Mitch Hedberg, "Boy, you sure like Tide".

Soccer- People who tell me baseball is boring are usually soccer fans.  That's like Hitler calling Stalin an evil bastard.  During the World Cup this year, there were a total of seven goals scored...I'm kidding, but for a second there, you believed me.  Scoring is so few and far between, it makes hockey look like basketball...more specific: A game between the Nuggets and Pistons in the '80s ( I believe it was something like 187-185 ).

Tennis-I find female tennis more interesting, and not because I'm a perv..O.K., most women tennis players are hot, but anyway...I don't know, I miss crazy assholes like John McEnroe.  I wish he were playing now...mostly because he's a terrible commentator.

Boxing- Used to be a great sport.  Now it's more corrupt than a Buddy Cianci family reunion.  They still make great movies about the sport, though.

Wrestling- I turned 14 and moved on.  Without Jimmy "Superfly" Snooka, the sport lost it's appeal for me.

Ultimate fighting- I've never seen a gay porno, so this is as close as I will get...O.k., I lied, I have seen a gay porno; it's called Greco Roman Wrestling. (I kid, I kid )

Horse racing- Not sure if it's a sport,but I enjoy the three big races when they're on.  The only sport I have ever been successful at gambling on...which scares me. It's like LSD; I did it once, really liked it, and will probably not do it again.

Of course there are other sports, but who wants me to rant on and on about Canada's national sport? What, you thought it was hockey?  No, no,'s Lacrosse. (My mom's French Canadian) And yes, Bud Selig is doing his best to turn baseball into Times Square, (something for everybody...except hookers ) but I still think it's the best.  Why else would I waste my time writing a blog every 5 to 7 days?  Opening day, get here, will ya?


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